chaichilaquiles

Hello.... heeeeeeelllloooooooooooooo! Is this thing on? Can you hear me?

I haven't posted in forever. I am sorry. Looks like a lot of my flist has done likewise as well. It's too bad. My excuse is that I have found some online freelance work writing and translating so any freetime I get I have had to dedicate to that.

But I feel really moved to write an update now. This is about the one year anniversary of when we moved back to Mexico. The year has gone by incredibly fast!

I have to say that I am really feeling at home here. Even to the point of never wanting to move back to the U.S. ever. Even if Iajia and I ever seperate, I've decided that I rather move further south in Mexico, to the state of Chiapas, or perhaps along the Oaxacan coastline.

It's a really nice feeling, to feel so sure. What are the reasons? It's really hard to put my finger on why. It's especially hard without first casting the U.S. in a really unfavorable light, but I do appreciate my American roots for the most part. Maybe I can talk about what I do like.

In no particular order.

I love Christmas time in Mexico. The last 12 days of Christmas there is a party almost everyday! We went one last night, there is one tonight, and there will be one tomorrow. And then it will be Christmas Eve after that, the biggest party of them all. There also isn;t the same kind of materialism associated with it. I think for two reasons... there aren't the sales here that there are in the U.S. and people just don't have the expendable income as they do in the US. Moreover, Christmas, besides the "true reason for the season" is about spending time with family, eating and drinking. Gift exchanges are something new, and optional. Gift giving for children happens on Jan. 6th, 3 Kings day.

It's so family friendly. Mexico still has family values. And when I say family values, I am not talking about gay rights or abortion rights. I mean... family stick together. No matter how damn inconvenient it might be to you, you don't, under any circumstance, turn your back on family. That woman who wrote "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" booked her kid into a mental hospital over an outburst. I don't know, that seems really harsh to me, and wouldn't doubt it causes her a snowball effect. My own father tried to leave me in the hands of the criminal justice system. 1

To those that responded to my last entry, I responded back. Ive noticed that LJ is delaying in comments reaching inboxes, I had to go to my post to find yours as I still haven't gotten them in my email. 

So we had the party yesterday. I didn't enjoy myself, but Noori did and that's what is most important. 

I am having some serious issues with not just Iajia but his family. 

After my SIL in Boston kicked us out she called my MIL to tell her all the shit she hates about me. Wow, we were only there a week and she hates my guts. Maybe I am sensitive, but what the fuck did I do so horrid that I get hated and judged in less than a week's time? Something that embarrassed me to no end that my own family doesn't know the whole story. I lied to them about why we came back early. 
There is a major gossip infestation going on in Iajia's family and I feel like I am the victim. I can cut the judgemental air with a knife. At my own fucking party yesterday I felt like I got the cold shoulder. I walk into a room where my SILs were talking and the moment I get in there they both suddenly have other things to attend to and leave me there in the room, alone. WTF? I overhear my MIL say that she would have rather had a BBQ than tacos. 
I feel like my character has been defamed. It is so unfair. I know my SIL in Boston bitched to her mom about me. I dont give a fuck about that.. but then my MIL ran her mouth to everyone else in the family.. everybody fucking knows my business..... and all the shit she has said about me. And I haven't said a goddamn thing. Bc they don't bring it up to me. Instead I get to be the scape goat and black sheep for all their insecurities and shortcomings. The thing that lets them feel better about themselves. And I am on a gag order from my husband to not start shit or else they would have heard from me by now about how I feel about things. 
I am about to explode, seriously. I just cannot hold it in. I cannot tolerate their false pretenses towards me.
I think I am to sincere for my own good. People really don't appreciate sincerity. They really do want a lie. Myself included. I don't want you to tell me that my butt looks big in that dress. I want you to think it looks good, and while I want to know the truth, what I prefer is that you like how my butt looks in the dress. So really it is better that you just lie to me. I have realized this after a good friend of my who always seems on my side. She is perfect in all ways... I only question her sincerity. I want to know, does she always mean what she says? Or does she know that it is more important to help people feel good about themselves and thus believes a little insincerity is better> If she always means what she says then she has an uncanny gift of being a pure optimist. Sometimes I want to make up a story where it's obvious I was in the wrong and see if she comes to my defense still. But I think it is wrong to test people like that so I won't do it. 
But back to hating on Iajia's family. This really puts even more pressure on our marriage- I vented my grievances to him last night and I know that he understands, and now he wants to defend me, but I don't want him to. I want to confront them on my own and I want him to stay out of it completely. I need to tell them myself, them to come at me, and I take them on myself. I just want him to sit and watch it and only keep it from escalating out of control. How can he defend me anyway when we haven't had sex since Ive been back? Haven't kissed or said I love you to each other in over a week?

They are all about to get it. Fuck the gag order. and fuck them. I just can't tolerate phonies. I just can't live like this. I DONT live like this? Iajia was telling me.. but look how they talk to each other .. gabby and my MIL have serious issues with each other and they know it. But yet they'll sit and talk to each other like nothing is wrong at family functions.  My SIL and gabby will also, apparently, happily shit talk me even though they have serious issues themselves. Iajia, how do you say "I just don't roll like that?" in Spanish? "No es mi onda. No es mi manera de ser".
 

 

The moons of Saturn, especially Titan that is known to be full of hydrocarbon lakes and oceans. I would like to sit on the beach with a nice view of Saturn :D

It depends. Who's playing? 
 

I have a crazy bad migraine! (This isn't the news, but I wrote this paragraph before I made the title... jump to second paragraph for the actual news) I ran out of all my tylenol and don't want to buy more. So I am sitting here in the dark, but I shouldn't even be staring at this comp screen.. it is killing me behind the eyes... but you know, that is how I manage to give birth natural... .I just don't care. I think, I am gonna make a post dammit and nothing is gonna stop me! kind of thing. After birthing Noori, that was actually what I thought about- that by denying myself pain medication in the past- from migraines to wisdom teeth removals- it was an exercise for getting through the pain of labor. 

So I do have some news, and I am a total loser for not sharing it sooner. We had the anatomy scan last week and we are having a GIRL! :D I am happy about this. But I really would have been happy either way. I wanted a brother for Noori, but a daughter for me. But everyone on both sides of the family wanted a girl, so the peoples are getting what they want. We don't have a name picked out, but we've got a few on the list. And I have her Sufi/Muslim/Arabic name picked out: Shamsiah. It means "solar; sun" maybe even "my sun", in the feminine form. I learned about the name from an article about an Afghan teenager that risked going to school every day- and she and other female students were attacked with acid on their way to school one day- after she recovered, she didn't give up on school. I'd really love to make it her legal name, but I am afraid it is too "exotic" and then it doesn't really match Noori's civil name which is an American first name with a Mexican middle name. 

Dear Noori, 

Tonight you did something really weird. But it was silly. After our usual getting ready for bed routine, I took you to the bed we all sleep in. But when we got there, you started telling me that the bed was too big and that you might fall out. You made a huge conversation out of this. It was so cute to listen to. Then you told me you wanted to sleep in the other bedroom where the bed was small (meaning the mattress on the floor) because you wouldn't be able to fall out. I called out to daddy to ask if you had by chance fallen out of bed during naptime- but he said no. So I found this really peculiar. But I think it is a good thing because it means that you can put together possible outcomes of certain situations. 

love, mom

Ok... head is really killing me- must go!

Things are going okay. Some days I feel pretty "at one" with myself and other days no so much. That is probably pretty normal though, no matter what the situation is. 
I haven't updated because there really isn't any really good news or really bad news to update about. Iajia has had some leads for work, some interest, but no offers as of yet. I still remain confident something will come up before we burn through all our money. 
Nonetheless, I feel pretty good in Mexico. We seem to have a routine going on, and I am trying to perfect it. 
Here is what is on my agenda for today..
1. Currently folding clothes
2. Take more clothes off the line, fold and put away.
3. Decide what to make with the chicken I dethawed yesterday. Probably a soup, since it is cold. I also soaked some black beans, so I'll cook those up. 
4. Need to stop by a fruit/vegetable stand to pick up: epazote, chayote for the soup. Spagetti, cream and turkey dogs for a pasta. 
5. Do a load of cloth diapers. Noori is back in the cloth! Almost 99% now. Sometimes it's a disposable for nighttime because I don't have many that are really good for night. 
6. Clean something I haven't cleaned in a while. 
7. Nap for Noori somewhere in the mix.
8. Need to buy some educational TV programs (the cheap pirated ones, of course) because it makes a good transition for him when he comes in from playing outside. Calms him down, makes him forget about everything fun outside. When he first comes in, I can't get him to eat because he is too distracted. And the shows on T.V. here are crap! 

That's all the plans I have for today. See? Nothing to post about! Lol. 

Tomorrow I hope to buy a coconut to make a yummy coconut drink. I'll post the recipe tomorrow if I find the coconut and make the rica agua de coco de crema. 

That's all I got. 

Me: Noori, did you turn off the radio?
Noori: MMmhmmm.
Me: Why did you do that?
Noori: Well... because it was on, mommy.

Should I even bother getting out of bed right now? Noori has a fever, not too high, 99 last time I checked, but he has been sleeping all day... the problem is that he wants me right by his side, and if I get up, he certainly knows about it in about five minutes time! Currently, my failed attempts have left me with a pile of dirty dishes, a washing machine half filled with water washing, dirty clothes in the middle of being sorted, and half-cooked chicken. It is really frustrating. But at least I am getting a chance to blog. He likes seeing the laptop open I noticed, because he knows that means I am going to stick around. Haha. 

And One Door Closes...
 I got in contact with the job that told me they would give me the next open position that they thought might open this month. But the new position didn't get approved. And when I got off the phone, I cried about it little bit. But I am trying to focus on the positives- or rather negatives of that position.
If I had gotten the job, Iajia would have stayed in Mexico.
I would have had to get Noori into a daycare/preschool... but my work hours would have been 11-8. I would of had to have found other accomodations for the time between 5-8 or 6-8.
I would probably have to move back in with my mom. Which would probably have been just fine, though not ideal.
If I couldn't get SRS help with the day care expenses, it probably wouldn't have even been worth it.

A Door that Might Open. . .
I did apply for an RN program at the community college. I have a really good shot at getting in. I will probably at least get an interview which will determine my acceptance into the program or not. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there. First, I have to be accepted. And second, it just depends what kind of situation we find ourselves in in May. And of course, I'll have to MAKE it to the interview. Which should be some time in April. That will be a good time to visit like I had planned, and potentially stay to deliver there. 

A Door that MIght Open. . .
Iajia is out putting out his resume today. He was sick as a dog and had to reschedule an interview with a head hunter agency. The woman was really bitchy about him wanting to reschedule... which doesn't give me high hopes about him getting any leads through her. 

So I just realized something not good. Neither Iajia nor I have a job. We have a finite amount of money in the bank to get us by. What will we do if we run out of money before we have jobs? 

I really wanted to go to the beach next week.... I am almost 5 months pregnant.... if I don't go now I won't be going for a really long time, how can I go to the beach with a newborn and a toddler? 

But I told Iajia we need to put a freeze to any big spending now and only buy essentials (big spending being spening money in travel, buying any new furniture, tho we are getting a stove today because we need that- we have no cabinets nor counterspace, so dishes are being stored in storage boxes, no new  electronics-- just food, gas, gas, electric, and yes, internet and mortgage. )

I feel desperate enough that I even checked the Kansas teacher's job board for work... nothing! It is all for the start of next school year. And I am qualified to teach not one, not two, but THREE subject areas and still nothing. I will check Missouri by and by. And hope and pray for me that this other job pans out. I am looking up her email now to contact her.

Nonetheless, I feel pretty good adequate about one of us finding something. So here's to a new year, now I have something not trivial to strive for in 2012.

Oh, and in other bad news..... today is the last day of my twenties, :( I am going to be THIRTY tomorrow.

Happy 2012 everyone! May it be filled with PROSPERITY for all.